A slice of life

Just a slice of my life at this moment: I’m in Houston, sitting next to mom on my laptop in between appts and phone calls. She watches fox news while I escape to the serenely and beauty of  Moonlight Sonata in my earbuds and work on my taxes (did an extension). Thank you BEETHOVEN! I will have to get up in a minute for any number of odd jobs which tend to her needs. This challenges my already challenged ability to focus, especially working on something like taxes (but that's nothing new.) Meanwhile I am grateful to be here.  Too often I feel so helpless so far away from her. Any chance I get to help soothes my heart. She is doing pretty well at the moment, It is very much moment to moment with her these days. Her cancer is incurable but if you can handle the treatment you can go a long time with it. (multiple myeloma) Thing is she is not handling the treatment very well at the moment and it is causing many complications. We are working with MD anderson on solutions for that.  But right now she is doing OK and that is a blessing. She still has lots of good quality moments. Like today, she had bible study in the morning which she loves and then went for a walk outside in this beautiful fall weather and tonight we will prob go out to dinner. But I know one day day soon there will be pretty important decisions to make. Part of me is aware that I am getting used to the process of coming to care for her, something that was so new only couple of years ago and it numbs me to it a bit. I don't want to be used to this.  But that's the way we are wired... It keeps us from being mentally worn too thin. Or maybe it keeps us from *knowing* we're being worn too thin. And then our friends have to say... HEY your being worn too thin! Regardless my sister is the one who handles it all most of the time and she is worn the thinnest of all. And also when it changes … I know I will wish for this time. So i try to remain aware of that and grateful. And I am so grateful for her and thankful to be here to help and have this time with her. 

Spiritually: I am working on mindful living ~ connection to the divine, moment to moment through a daily practice of gratitude and meditation. I am at a place where this is much easier than it would have been because of the super focused work I have done this year. *Easier* not easy.  I catch myself in thought habits all the time (that are distressing or depressing or just stressful and negative), then redirect.This does not mean I live in a fantasy world. It means I see the world exactly as it is and choose to respond to it it in a way that is healthier for my heart and mind.  I try to look at what is working, what is good and focus on solutions for what is bad. I choose not to be a victim. That’s the mindful part. I am still working on a level up and it *is working* feels great. Sometimes when I sit in meditation, I sit there fully intending to meditate and before you know it, the timer goes off and I have been sitting there letting my thoughts ramble like normal.  That’s when I say to myself - “Shit.” And then go… “Wait, no judgement.” I tried. I’ll work harder next time.” And sometimes I sit in meditation and I am a friggin guru of focus and light. But most times it is something in between with little moments of each. It’s the *daily practice* of it that makes a difference they say. I see that now. I am seeing a change in me and my energy. 

Musically: Great gigs this past weekend in Texas and looking forward to CMA next week!  I’ll be with mom until then. Away from my studio in Fayetteville means no time to work on the album. (Still in writing mode)  but with luck between mom and taxes I may be able to begin work on the Thankful video. :D 

Financially: Doing OK, bills paid.  But I meant what I said a couple of months ago.  Ready to level up there too. Need BIG FUNDS to help with mom and to move my family to a bigger space. I am doing OK,  but there are others that need me. I am very comfortable as a minimalist and would get by OK. But I want a nest egg and lots of $ to care for all the precious ones in my life. It is happening I can feel it. Your responses to that post lit up my world and I am so thankful for you all.  I think I CAN do this without giving up on my music and message. I am not going to go work for big corp USA. Something in the world would break if it did that. Especially me. ;) There are too many opportunities in this big beautiful world 

Always faithfully forward ~ your hippie warrior of love <3

1 comment

  • Scott

    Scott Texas

    Ginger Doss, you are one of the most amazing people that I know. I love you. It is so wonderful that you are there for your mother. And MD Anderson is the best place for her to be. They saved Sarah, eternally grateful. And speaking of Sarah, I am so grateful that she brought us together. Without her I would have never known you, and that would have made my life less complete. Love you lots, Scott

    Ginger Doss, you are one of the most amazing people that I know. I love you. It is so wonderful that you are there for your mother. And MD Anderson is the best place for her to be. They saved Sarah, eternally grateful. And speaking of Sarah, I am so grateful that she brought us together. Without her I would have never known you, and that would have made my life less complete.

    Love you lots,
    Scott

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